family prayer | Mass with Children | parenting advice
My dad passed away in 2018, but not a Sunday Mass goes by where I don’t think of him. My childhood is replete with memories of filing into the pew, Dad between us two girls to keep us from talking (or more likely, fighting), and attending Mass together. Even now, at the age of 41, I find myself replaying various hints and admonitions he used to give us as we learned to behave at Mass. Here are six of the lessons that have stayed with me all these years.
Turn Around and Face Jesus
The first one is something I say to my own kids all the time: “Turn around and face Jesus.” My dad never allowed us to turn around in the pew to look at the people behind us, or to watch what was going on in the vestibule. We were in church to be with Jesus, the least we could do was face him. There is no greater reminder of the fact that we are in God’s presence than to keep our attention focused on the altar and tabernacle. To this day, I almost never turn around at Mass.
The Most Important Moment of the Mass
The second thing he used to say happened at the Consecration. “This is the most important part of the Mass.” As a little kid, I didn’t fully understand what he meant, but his repetition of that reminder every week has stuck with me. When the bells ring, and the priest elevates the host and then the chalice, I snap to attention. I also follow Dad’s example, leaning over to whichever of my own children is sitting nearest to say, “Look, there’s Jesus. This is why we are here.”
Dress for the Occasion
Another thing my dad always said was related to church attire. “Don’t dress like you’re going to a rock fight.” I can honestly say I have never been to a rock fight, but if he meant not to wear jeans, sweatshirts, or sneakers to Mass, that message has been received loud and clear. My dad also led by example in this regard. He always wore a shirt and tie to Mass. Now I always dress up for Mass, and my kids do as well.
Offer Peace, not Germs
My dad was also very mindful of the sign of peace during cold season. Many times, I heard him say to the people sitting in front of us, “I won’t shake your hand because I don’t want to give you my cold.” This level of courtesy is more common in these post-pandemic days, but it’s still important to keep in mind that we can offer peace to our neighbors without also offering them our germs.
Questions and Answers
Dealing with chatty kids is another thing my dad was good at. When I was a toddler and first started attending Mass, I had a lot of questions about what was going on. Rather than try to silence my questions, he stopped attending Mass at the small chapel where every sound was amplified and started taking me to the “big church,” where the high ceilings absorbed a lot of my whispers and I was less likely to disturb others.
Once I could read and write, he allowed me to bring a little notebook to Mass so I could jot down words and other things I didn’t understand. Then, after Mass, over bagels, he would take the time to explain them all to me. He worked long hours and his only free time was on the weekends. It’s such a gift that he spent some of this time helping me to better understand the homily and readings.
Don't Trample the Priest
At the end of Mass, I never leave the pew until the priest has made it out into the vestibule. This is because my dad always told us, “Don’t trample the priest.” This is great advice from a safety standpoint; sometimes priests really have to hustle so they don’t get knocked down by a horde of parishioners! It’s also an indirect reminder to slow down. We can take a moment after Mass has ended, to bask in the presence of Our Lord, to finish singing the recessional, or to say one last prayer of Thanksgiving. There is no reason to rush out the door.
Related to this was my dad’s insistence on appropriately greeting clergy. We were never allowed to sneak past a priest without saying, “Hello, Father.” I think this practice is the reason my kids have such a strong camaraderie with our parish priests. I have passed on to them this understanding that the priest is not just someone who talks at us from the front of the church, but a member of our community whom we can befriend and have a relationship with.
The Family That Prays Together
I didn’t always love going to Mass as a kid, but looking back, I have such fond memories of how, in just one hour per week, my dad instilled in me the appropriate disposition to have during Mass and the way we ought to behave, not just as children, but into adulthood. I pray every day for the repose of his soul, and I thank God for the gift of his wonderful Dad advice that I will always carry with me.