Most often people who are overly critical of others have a lot going on in their personal lives. By shining some light on the brokenness in the lives of other people, they hope they can deflect attention on the inadequacies in their own lives. It also makes them feel much better about their own situation. Friends, we don’t get any points by making someone else look so horrible.
Our situation does not improve by putting down someone else. The Lord tells us in the gospel that we need to carefully address what is going on in our lives first before we shift our gaze to what is happening in other people’s lives. “Remove the wooden beam from your eye first, then you will see clearly to remove the splinter in your brother’s eye.”
The best spiritual directors I have had in my life, are people who have struggled a lot in their own lives and came to know their own brokenness, faced it squarely, and allowed the grace of God to heal them, to restore them, to renew. It is those kinds of people I have sought out and they preached so much hope and healing in my own life. What makes them unique is that they minister to you from a vantage point of humility and charity. They know they themselves have been unworthy, but the grace of God has powerfully acted in their own lives. They are not there to criticize, they are there to invite, to propose, and accompany you on your journey towards the light, towards Christ.
In no way is the Lord saying that we need to be perfect for us to speak about problematic behavior in the lives of others. What he is teaching us is that when we have a heightened awareness of our own imperfection, we deal with the imperfection in the lives of others with a little more humility, and a little more charity. The criticism is less sharp compared to one who is unaware of their own imperfections.
In Uganda we had a priest who has now gone to be with the Lord, who struggled a lot with alcohol addiction. He was in and out of rehab. When he embraced recovery, he discovered a new ministry. It was a ministry to fellow priests and religious who struggled with alcohol addiction. When he stood in front of you and spoke about alcohol addiction and his struggle, you did not want him to stop. When brother priests went to him for good counsel, they knew he wasn’t there to judge or criticize them, rather they knew he was there to accompany them and lead them towards the light. Here was a man who had struggled for years with a “beam” in his own eye and through the grace of God the “beam” was removed. He now spoke to others from a point of humility and with charity, something that opened the hearts of many people to him.
Today we can ask ourselves -Is there a broken area in life that I need to courageously face, seek God’s healing, so that I can accompany others who are in a similar same situation? Our biggest human struggles or the “beams” in our eyes, are usually springboards for important ministry. When we courageously face them, God gives us the needed credentials to minister to others in that specific area.
Father Fred Jenga, C.S.C. is the President of Holy Cross Family Ministries. Father Fred, a native of Uganda, has multiple degrees including theology, philosophy, and communications. His native language is Lusoga and he speaks English, Luganda, Kiswahili, and Rutooro. He has been a teacher, researcher, author and family minister. Father Fred is committed to helping build God’s masterpiece one family at a time.
