2013
When the Memories take Over
For the past several months I’ve been visiting a hospice patient in an Alzheimer’s facility. It is pretty amazing actually. I sing to her and pray and listen to her discussions which she has with her own inner spirits. Most days she doesn’t know I’m there but every once in a while she surprises me with a look and “I really like you”. Even though I understand she doesn’t really know who I am, it still delights me when these moments break through.
Because of this experience with my patient I had a sense of the situation when I arrived yesterday and realized Evelyn; one of the other residents had died. Evelyn’s daughters Lucy and Edie were clearing out her room of all the personal items she will no longer need. Tears were flowing and it was very sad. Even though their mom was mostly gone already due to the disease, I could appreciate to some degree their pain and loss of hope for those moments when something would break through and Evelyn would suddenly know for a second who they were…and then she was gone again. They had already lost so much, one would think this would be a “relief” but their mixed feelings were palpable.
Later, as I was preparing to leave, I overheard a conversation between Lucy and a nurse who had cared for Evelyn. Lucy was sharing stories about her mom. Evelyn loved to cook and celebrate every possible holiday; when none was handy, she would make one up. Lucy’s faced glowed as she shared the life of this precious woman. I realized that now that Evelyn’s body was gone, it will be the abundance of memories that will nourish them. The girls will no longer need to spend half their time hoping for one more memory. No, now all their emotional energy will be spent in retrieval, reflection and warm hearted moments that could make them smile, or sigh, or wonder. Their mother will never be “really gone” since she is part of every aspect of their lives now and forever as their memories take over.
(names used are not real)
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Discovery Family Rosary
Thank you for another beautifully described life situation. Memories of our Loved Ones keep their Sprits alive in our lives, and give us Peace. Your kindness and understanding is such a gift to the caregivers of an Alzheimer patient. I look forward to more of your insights on Life and Death.
Thank you so much for your sensitive response, Marie, I really appreciate your comments.
This touched me very deeply. Yes, truly, our loved ones leave indelible heart prints and when we live out and practice all the all they taught us from the day we were born till Jesus took them home to be with him, we are witnessing to His love and thus they live on. May we pass on this legacy to our children too, is my prayer for all who read this.
Thank you so much for your comments, Ann.
Margaret, How true that the memories are of great value even though the loss is felt several ways. As I write I am wearing the favorite sweater of my Dad, who died of Alzheimers. It brings up so many cherished memories!