seasons of motherhood | pray the rosary | Behold Your Mother
Today we will pray the First Sorrowful Mystery: The Agony in the Garden.
I spent a good portion of my first trimester feeling guilty for how miserable I was. After all, I wanted a baby. I was grateful for the baby—at least, I was until the morning sickness and fatigue set in. After that, while I logically knew that my daughter was a gift, all I felt was sick, tired—and, yes, guilty.
My husband kept trying to reassure me that it was normal to feel this way, but I just kept thinking, “Shouldn’t I feel joyful? Pregnancy is miraculous!”
I wish I’d had my daily Rosary practice back then. The first Sorrowful Mystery, the Agony in the Garden, would have been such a comfort during those early weeks and then later, facing childbirth. But, it was a few months after I had my daughter that I started praying the Rosary every day, and I can still remember when it hit me, on a Tuesday or a Friday, praying that first Sorrowful Mystery:
Jesus was afraid.
What a gift Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John left us by describing Jesus’ agony in Gethsemane. Jesus was afraid to suffer—so much so that “his sweat became like drops of blood falling on the ground” (Luke 22:44). He asked the Father to “take this cup away” (Luke 22:42).
He knew that the cross was necessary; he’d told his followers that they would need to carry one, too. Yet, he asked the Father to take it from Him.
And Jesus never sinned.
Whatever anxiety we may feel about our pregnancy or childbirth, that worry is not a sin. It is not sinful to want to avoid suffering. We just have to pray for the courage to take that next step that Jesus modeled for us: Telling God, “Still, not my will but yours be done” (Luke 22:42).
The writers of Catholic Mom enthusiastically gathered to share meditations on each Mystery of the Rosary in a special way for pregnant mothers. We invite you to join us throughout the month of May as we pray together each day, and to share these reflections with other moms who will enjoy them.
Images: created by Ted Schluenderfritz for Holy Cross Family Ministries